Couples Therapy

During our Couples Counseling sessions, you will learn to understand the negative pattern of behaviors that you find yourselves stuck in. By slowing things down and exploring the emotions, perceptions and deep, core needs that lie hidden below the reactive behavior, you will begin to understand yourself and your partner in an “Aha” way.

Each person is responsible for their side of the relationship and working with Emotionally Focused Therapy you will learn to shift from blaming your partner to looking at your own triggers and reactivity in a more mindful and calm way. We will explore how each of you gets caught in a negative pattern of blame, disconnection, and distrust. You will develop the skill to let your partner know about your upset without the negative feedback loop being activated. Most importantly, Emotionally Focused Therapy will help you to be able to learn to express your needs in a way that your partner can hear and respond to, and to help you to reach for your partner when you are feeling disconnected or alone.

With support and time, you will come to be able to shift the dynamic of the destructive cycle to one that encourages connection, trust, and safety. You and your partner will feel that you are enriched by your relationship and that it provides you with energy so that you can truly enjoy the world around you and all the joys and wonders that it holds.

Therapy is an investment in your relationship and in your family. While there is no 100% sure-fire model for working with couples to restore happiness, Emotionally Focused Therapy is the Gold Standard of Couples Counseling and has been shown to be highly effective with most couples. I have witnessed tremendous healing in couples that engage in therapy. You can find a summary of Emotionally Focused Therapy research in the Resource section.

You CAN build a bridge back to love!

It is my goal to help you have fun with your partner and revive the initial spark that brought the two of you together. I have a powerful track record in helping couples rebuild their relationship and I hope that you will contact me to help you and your partner to build trust, security, and intimacy. You deserve to be in a happy relationship with the love of your life!

Success in improving your relationship takes a positive attitude, the willingness to learn and the motivation to persist in that learning. There is bound to be some emotional discomfort when learning new ways to listen and talk to your partner. Learning to understand your feelings, how to speak up instead of retreating or complaining, and how to soothe yourself when you get anxious are also skills that aid in therapy success. Practicing what you learn outside of the session will begin to make these behaviors more permanent.

There is a direct correlation between the energy and effort that you put into improving your relationship and the rewards that you reap in intimacy, trust and effective communication. The return on your investment of time and energy will realize rewards for years to come.

It is common for couples to approach therapy with the idea that I will encourage the “offending” partner to make changes to get the relationship back on course. While this is understandable, it is far from what occurs. A relationship is a feedback loop between 2 people. Problems are the result of old patterns of behavior and experiences that get triggered when one partner says or does something that is seen as wrong or is misinterpreted by the other. Couples get stuck when either partner believes they shouldn't have to change the way that they think or behave in the relationship. My role is to help you both become more aware of your own part in this negative cycle. You will learn what the underlying needs and desires are that cause automatic responses and will develop the skills to improve your responses to each other. You are 100% responsible for 50% of any relationship.

Individuals who have a partner who won’t attend therapy will learn to look at the entire pattern that the couple is caught in. They will come to focus on the part of the cycle that they have power over. We cannot change your partner but because relationships are feedback loops, we know that changing your part of the dance will spark change in your partner.

The answer depends on the specific issues and how deeply entrenched they are. Generally, it takes 3-4 months to understand the feedback loops and your parts in the negative dynamics in the relationship. Learning to slow down and discovering new ways of understanding each other will move therapy along more quickly. Breaking negative communication and reactive cycles takes time but couples often experience a calming of tensions after a few sessions.

Please be aware that if there is any sort of trauma in the relationship the work needs to move even more slowly. Trauma can be from the past or something that has just occurred between you and your partner to upset the sense of connectedness in a relationship. Trauma can be a silent trigger that can start a couple off on a negative pattern or feedback loop.

Couples therapy sessions are 55-minutes.

I will sometimes suggest that we extend couples counseling sessions to 90-minutes to work more deeply. Longer sessions can be necessary if there’s a great deal of reactivity or if there’s been a recent incident that needs more time to understand and work through. Not every couple can tolerate working for such a long time, it is best for us to discuss whether a 90-minutes is right for your circumstance.

It’s advisable to meet weekly in the beginning so that some momentum can be built. We are working to stem the backwards slide into old patterns that can sometimes happen between sessions. As trust and connection build it’s possible to explore meeting less often without slowing the progress that has been made.

Prior to coming in for your first session you will each fill out an intake form, an information and consent form as well as a couple’s questionnaire. Our first session will begin with a brief review of the information and consent form, most especially the section about confidentiality and exceptions to confidentiality.

*Please note that I cannot begin therapy unless I have received a signed information and consent form from each of you or one form that you have both signed.

I begin by having each person tell me why they are coming for therapy and what their goals are. I ask questions to get a background of the relationship and a bit about your family background if that seems to impact the relationship. It generally takes several sessions before there is a rhythm to our work and a sense of safe and structure.

Fees will be discussed in our initial phone consultation. Payment is due at each session and can be paid by Zelle. You can use my email catherine@catherine-morris.com or my phone # 650 269-8745 to set this up.

I don’t take insurance, and your insurance company will consider me “out-of-network”. I will supply you with a super bill that includes the codes necessary for your claim to be processed. Please check with your insurance provider to see what is covered under your mental health benefits. Please note: Insurance companies don’t cover couples therapy but will cover family therapy (even if it is for a couple).